It’s That Time Again.

It might be because I’m a bitter, cynical, emotionally drained miserable shell of a facsimile of a sham of a human being, but I’m just not that interested in Indian Wells. It’s in the middle of a desert, I don’t get to go, and apart from that it’s your bog-standard Masters. And, like, Ivan Ljubicic won it last year. I’m just saying. Anyway, it’s started.

You can find the men’s draw here and the women’s draw here, I am mind-boggled by the complexity and can’t wait for someone to start televising the bloody thing (why is it only American Masters’ series events that aren’t televised from day one?) so I can have some opinions. So far the biggest news seems to be that Melanie Oudin has won a match, against Elena Vesnina no less.

Shit gets real later tonight when Delpo will play Steps in a tough first-round encounter for either of them. Full OOP here.

It Wouldn’t Be Fed Cup Without Random Picspam.

Team bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Team wholesome.

Team not-remotely-wholesome-but-damn.

Team got-dressed-in-the-dark.

Team hot captain.

Team of contrasts.

Team words of wisdom.

Fed Cup First Round Preview

Italy v Australia

H2H: 0-5

Venue: Domain Tennis Centre, Hobart, Australia

Italy (defending champions): Francesca Schiavone, Flavia Pennetta, Sara Errani, Roberta Vinci, Corrado Barrazzutti (captain)

Australia: Samantha Stosur, Jarmila Groth, Anastasia Rodionova, Rennae Stubbs, David Taylor (captain)

Saturday OOP: Groth v Schiavone, Pennetta v Stosur

Russia v France

H2H: 5-3

Venue: Olympic Stadium, Moscow, Russia

Russia: Maria Sharapova, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova, Dinara Safina, Shamil Tarpischev (captain)

France: Alize Cornet, Virginie Razzano, Pauline Parmentier, Julie Coin, Nicolas Escude (captain) 

Saturday OOP: Kuznetsova v Cornet, Sharapova v Razzano

Slovak Republic v Czech Republic

H2H: 0-3

Venue: Sibamac Arena, Bratislava, Slovak Republic

Slovak Republic: Daniela Hantuchova, Dominika Cibulkova, Magdalena Rybarikova, Jana Cepelova, Matej Liptak (captain)

Czech Republic: Petra Kvitova, Lucie Safarova, Barbora Zahlalova Strycova, Kveta Peschke, Petr Pala (captain)

Saturday OOP: Hantuchova v Safarova, Cibulkova v Kvitova

Belgium v USA

H2H: 1-5

Venue: Sportpalais Antwerp, Antwerp, Belgium

Belgium: Kim Clijsters, Yanina Wickmayer, Kirsten Flipkens, An-Sophie Mestach, Sabine Appelmans (captain)

U.S.A: Bethanie Mattek-Sands, Melanie Oudin, Vania King, Liezel Huber, Mary Joe Fernandez (captain)

Saturday OOP: Wickmayer v Mattek-Sands, Clijsters v Oudin

It’s going to be a good weekend …

Wimbledon Daze: Upsets

Stick with me while I attempt to catch up on everything that I missed at Wimbledon while I was there. (And yes, I know I may be stretching the definition of ‘upset’ somewhat with some of these …) This is who we’ve lost so far that we wouldn’t have expected to …

Sam Stosur and Francesca Schiavone crashed out to Kaia Kanepi and Vera Dushevina respectively. That’s an entire French Open final gone right there. You’d almost think it was played on a different surface or something.

Verdasco lost to Fognini in five. And still needs a haircut.

Damn Croatians. You’re supposed to be the reliable one, Marin! Although why anyone thinks that, I don’t know. Anyway, I watched this match. It made me sad.

Oh, Boss.

Please don’t let that be your last Wimbledon, OK?

Grass is not Shahar’s best ever surface, it must be said. She lost to Angelique Kerber in three. Still, I’ve been vaguely touting Kerber as a thing-in-waiting, so there’s that.

Big win for bronzed god Daniel Brands, who took out Kolya in straights. Kolya is another one who doesn’t thrive on the grass at all, though. Plus that whole fractured wrist thing.

If a result doesn’t upset anyone, is it still an upset? I’ve decided that this qualifies on the basis that Robin Haase did the upsetting, which means he actually won a match. Shock face.

Not sure what’s the bigger not-really-a surprise, Mel losing in the second round or the fact that she made it.

And how about a big hand for our upsetters …

What depth.

… On Second Thoughts, Maybe Not

If you’ve ever really wanted to give yourself diabetes, check out this video of US tennis stars (and Kim) on what is apparently Mother’s Day, everywhere except the UK.

Although it did remind me of this. Which was kind of sweet.

Fed Cup: The Green/Blue/Red Grass/Hard/Clay of Home

Italy will face the US in a repeat of last year’s Fed Cup final after the doubles pairing of Liezel Huber and Bethanie Mattek-Sands won the deciding rubber against Russia’s Elena Dementieva and Alla Kudryavtseva.

USA 3 – Russia 2

A well-deserved flag-bearing role for Bethanie Mattek-Sands. Heading into Sunday, the tie was poised 1-1 with Melanie Oudin and Elena Dementieva winning in straights on the opening day. But Demmy once again proved her Fed Cup credentials by recovering from a bizarre second-set bagel to take the match 63 in the third.

Fed Cup singles debutante Ekaterina Makarova was unable to close out the tie, however, falling to Mattek-Sands in a three-set defeat that left her in tears.

The devastated Makarova was benched for the doubles in favour of Alla Kudryavtseva and the gamble did not pay off, with the Russians never really in the match that Mattek-Sands and Huber won comfortably, 63 61, to kick off the celebrations in Alabama.

Congratulations indeed. Russia may not exactly have fielded their strongest team, but given the continuing and high-profile absences from the American team, it speaks volumes for their camaraderie and commitment that they’ve made their second Fed Cup final in as many years.

Unfortunately, unless something drastic changes, it’s hard to see the final going differently this time than it did in 2009. Admittedly the US will be the hosts and have a choice of surface, but it’s hard to see hard courts as disadvantaging the Italians, and Schiavone at least is no slouch on grass. And the final is right after the year-end championships, so those high-profile absences are probably set to continue. Basically I’m saying we can expect to see more of this:

And why not? Love those two.

Charleston: Where Everybody Looks Good

I don’t know if it’s the photography (good job, Chris Smith!) or the light or the food or what, but how lovely are these off-court pictures from the Family Circle Cup?

JJ actually looks like she’s having genuine chilled fun.

A Vera sandwich.

(That’s Galina Voskoboeva in the middle, by the way. I’m sure you know that … but I had to look it up.)

Dani’s always lovely, but how often does she look relaxed?

Yes, that is Alona Bondarenko. Looking normal. Looking pleasant. Smiling.

Mallory and Melanie.

I have just realised how pretty Nadia is.

So I think we need to ask ourselves … is Charleston the friendliest, most laid-back tournament on tour, or just the one that serves the most booze with lunch?

Either way, it’s working.

Casablanca et al: Thursday’s Results, Friday’s OOP

The (mildly hilarious) shock of the day has to be Kim Clijsters losing to 258th-ranked Spanish qualifier Beatriz Garcia Vidagany, who is playing her first WTA tour tournament ever – so that consistency thing remains a work in progress, eh, Kim? Simona Halep had another good win, this time over the slumping Sorana Cirstea, and lucky loser Varvara Lepchenko is making the best of things in Ponte Vedra Beach. On the men’s side, Stan Wawrinka survived a bagel from a qualifier and Official NB Pick For Casablanca Champion Richard Gasquet put in another crushing win. Lleyton Hewitt was not so rusty in his first match back after hip surgery, and Zeballos and Gonzo will be playing in a frankly hot quarterfinal. That is all.

Full Results – ATP

Casablanca

Singles – Second Round
[1] S Wawrinka (SUI) d [Q] M Klizan (SVK) 64 06 64
[3] V Hanescu (ROU) d [Q] J Nieminen (FIN) 26 63 62
[WC] R El Amrani (MAR) d J Hajek (CZE) 63 26 62
R Gasquet (FRA) d A Golubev (KAZ) 61 61

Doubles – Semi-finals
[3] R Lindstedt (SWE) / H Tecau (ROU) d [2] M Granollers (ESP) / M Lopez (ESP) 64 63
R Bopanna (IND) / A Qureshi (PAK) d P Marx (GER) / I Zelenay (SVK) 63 64

Houston

Singles – Second Round
[1] F Gonzalez (CHI) d [Q] K Anderson (RSA) 64 46 64
X Malisse (BEL) d [2] J Isner (USA) 76(3) 67(7) 76(3)
[3] S Querrey (USA) d B Kavcic (SLO) 62 61
[4] [WC] L Hewitt (AUS) d [LL] S Devvarman (IND) 16 60 76(2)
[6] H Zeballos (ARG) d D Sela (ISR) 63 62
W Odesnik (USA) d M Kukushkin (KAZ) 61 75

Doubles – Semi-finals
[3] S Huss (AUS) / W Moodie (RSA) d H Zeballos (ARG) / M Zverev (GER) 63 63

Doubles – Quarter-finals
[WC] N Healey (AUS) / L Hewitt (AUS) d D Istomin (UZB) / A Motti (ITA) 64 76(5)

WTA

Marbella

Singles – Second Round
(1) Victoria Azarenka (BLR) d. (WC) Estrella Cabeza Candela (ESP) 62 64
(2) Flavia Pennetta (ITA) d. (Q) Laura Pous Tio (ESP) 62 62
(Q) Beatriz García Vidagany (ESP) d. (3/WC) Kim Clijsters (BEL) 75 46 64
Sara Errani (ITA) d. (7) Anabel Medina Garrigues (ESP) 61 76(1)
(8) Carla Suárez Navarro (ESP) d. Polona Hercog (SLO) 64 76(2)
(Q) Simona Halep (ROU) d. Sorana Cirstea (ROU) 64 76(4)

Doubles – Quarterfinals
Kondratieva/Shvedova (RUS/KAZ) d. Domínguez Lino/Parra Santonja (ESP/ESP) 60 64

Doubles – First Round
(2) Ruano Pascual/Shaughnessy (ESP/USA) d. Malek/Sfar (GER/TUN) 26 75 1210

Ponte Vedra Beach

Singles – Second Round
(4) Elena Vesnina (RUS) d. Julia Goerges (GER) 63 62
(8) Melanie Oudin (USA) d. Peng Shuai (CHN) 26 75 75
Olga Govortsova (BLR) d. (Q) Anna Tatishvili (GEO) 62 62
(LL) Varvara Lepchenko (USA) d. Angelique Kerber (GER) 61 61

Doubles – Quarterfinals
(1) Mattek-Sands/Yan (USA/CHN) d. (WC) Cibulkova/Morita (SVK/JPN) 62 61
Borwell/Kops-Jones (GBR/USA) d. Goerges/Zahlavova Strycova (GER/CZE) 63 36 108

Today’s OOP is brought to you by Gonzo’s poorly knee.

Casablanca

Houston

ORDER OF PLAY – APRIL 9, 2010
Stadium Court – Start 12:00 noon
Nicolas Massu (CHI) vs (3) Sam Querrey (USA)
(4) Lleyton Hewitt (AUS) vs Juan Ignacio Chela (CHI)
Wayne Odesnik (USA) vs Xavier Malisse (BEL)
Not Before 6 p.m.
(1) Bob Bryan (USA) & Mike Bryan (USA) vs Nathan Healey (AUS) & Lleyton Hewitt (AUS)
(1) Fernando Gonzalez (CHI) vs (6) Horacio Zeballos (ARG)

Marbella

Centre Court (from 13.00hrs)
1. Tatjana Malek vs. Carla Suárez Navarro
2. Simona Halep vs. Flavia Pennetta
3. Victoria Azarenka vs. María José Martínez Sánchez
4. Sara Errani vs. Beatriz García Vidagany

Court 1 (NB 13.30hrs)
1. Lefèvre/Niculescu vs. Ruano Pascual/Shaughnessy

Ponte Vedra Beach

Stadium (from 11.00hrs)
1. Varvara Lepchenko vs. Olga Govortsova
2. Elena Vesnina vs. Melanie Oudin (NB 13.00hrs)
3. Aleksandra Wozniak vs. Dominika Cibulkova (NB 15.00hrs)
4. Dekmeijere/Schnyder vs. Chuang/Peng
5. Caroline Wozniacki vs. Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (NB 19.00hrs)

Like the Oscars, But More Meaningful

The 2010 Sony Ericsson WTA Player Awards were given out yesterday in Miami, with Serena picking up Player of the Year; Serena and Venus jointly taking Doubles Team/Fan Favourite Doubles Team of the Year; Kim Clijsters nabbing Comeback and Sportsmanship, Yanina Wickmayer taking Most Improved, Melanie Oudin Newcomer of the Year, and Elena Dementieva winning Fan Favourite Singles Player of the Year.

Meanwhile, Horacio Zeballos picked up the ATP award for Breakthrough of the Year, or something along those lines. I don’t know, I just like looking at his gentle eyes.

I feel like he would gently stroke your hair. For hours. Without being asked.

Who’s Out …

High-profile casualties since we last spoke:

Out to Shahar Peer in Dubai.

Out to Agnieszka Radwanska in Dubai.

Out to Venus in Dubai.

Out to Li Na in Dubai.

Forced to retire against Shahar Peer with back pain.

Out to Vera Zvonareva in Dubai.

Out to Victoria Azarenka in Dubai.

Forced to retire against Lukas Lacko in Memphis after beating Fernando Verdasco.

Lost to Sofia Arvidsson after a promising beginning to the tournament.

And … Radek Stepanek (Memphis), Fernando Verdasco (Memphis), Nicolas Almagro (Buenos Aires), Gilles Simon (Marseilles), Richard Gasquet (Buenos Aires), and probably many more I forgot to mention.