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ATP Player Photos = Enough Fun to Last a Lifetime

Posted by irefusetotellyou on July 27, 2009

So I have a feeling that the ATP decided that they could increase their macho level by having players take tough, manly-man photos for their bio pics. Needless to say, they’ve failed miserably, although it has provided me much entertainment. Oh, the hilarity of it all!

Some players only succeeded in looking mildly pissed off:Gilles Simon, Robin Soderling

Some managed to look smolderingly hot.



And some just took it way, way too seriously.
Tyra Banks called. She wants her "fierce" look back.

Tyra Banks called. She wants her "fierce" look back.

Others scared the bajesus out of me.

David Nalbandian, Radek Stepanek

Sorry, Nalby and/or Sex lovers, but these pictures make them look like convicted criminals who are 1 second away from beating the shit out of you.

And some need a re-take. Like NOW. Stanislas Wawrinka, Lleyton Hewitt

These photos make them look about 50 pounds heavier than they really are.

Some looked so unbelievably goofy that I scared by cat by laughing so uproariously.

Well, with a nickname like "Chucho," I guess I shouldn't expect much.

Well, with a nickname like "Chucho", I guess I shouldn't expect much.

And some are just the cutest wittle things I’ve ever seen.

Victor Troicki

All in all, though, a scary rapist-esque picture (I’m looking at you, Nalby) is better than no picture at all.

Leonardo Mayer

Leonardo Mayer, supposedly

Leonardo “Horseface” Mayer– perennial no-show, professional buzz-killer, and my archnemesis — STRIKES AGAIN!

13 Responses to “ATP Player Photos = Enough Fun to Last a Lifetime”

  1. JFK said

    They look like thugs, well most of them do anyways. Just look at Stan he’s a really sweet guy and in his photo it looks like he got in a fight!

    • irefusetotellyou said

      Yeah, the first time I saw Stan’s, I was like …. !?!?!?!?!?!

      “Thug” is the perfect description … and we KNOW he looks so much better than that!

  2. linz said

    Aaaw, it looks like it’s Stan and Rusty’s time of the month. They look bloated and pissed off. I feel their pain.

    And Roddick’s looks NOTHING like him. And what’s with the sweat and the terrible lighting? IDGI. The ATP needs to hire me to help with these shoots. I have a meaningless prestigious film degree and am unemployed, where do I sign up? (OMG, can you imagine if I actually did get a job doing that??? Whoa. I wonder how many minutes I would last until I got fired for inappropriate behavior? I’m going to have good dreams tonight!)

    • lauren said

      Please could I be your assistant?
      I spend (too much) time looking at how spectacularly poor the lighting is for tennis promo shots, but this lot are a hoot. Roddick’s especially – lit from each side with a bit of on-camera flash to spark the eyes, but still ends up as a portrait of his ears.

      • linz said

        ABSOLUTELY. Lauren, let’s take over, the people the ATP are hiring are AWFUL.

        Maybe I’ll try IRTTY’s fake badge idea at the US Open. I mean, there couldn’t possibly be any consequences to that, right??

    • irefusetotellyou said

      HAHAHA That’d be AMAZING!

      And I’m sure some of them wouldn’t MIND some … unprofessional behavior.

      Maybe you should just craft yourself a make-shift badge, show up to “work” (um.. wherever it is) — and be like, “YES, I’M THE PHOTOGRAPHER, VERY BUSY AND IMPORTANT, SHOW ME TO THE PLAYERS!”

      I’m sure that’d work just fine.

      • lauren said

        The only problem is that my role as photog assistant would greatly compromise my fantasy role as chief masseuse. Imagine: Marat needs his glutes rubbed, pronto, and I’m stuck trying to find a way to avoid flash flare off Ljubis head. Sorry Ivan, gotta go….

        • irefusetotellyou said

          Or what if — God forbid — one of the players sprained their groin, as so often happens on court?

          Good thing you’ll be there.

  3. lauren said

    Look, I know I can’t leave this post alone, but have you seen the ATP pic of Steve Darcis? And if that doesn’t make you snigger, check Massu.

    • irefusetotellyou said


      Darcis looks like this guy I had a most unfortunate date with once, which amplifies the horribleness.

      And MASSU — HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! You found a great one. That picture is the definition of stringy hair and/or a “high as a kite” face.

  4. naughty T ... dazed said

    Stan looks like a burns victim and Gille’s photo is like a visual depiction of his current level of play…u u u u glyyyyyyyyyy

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