New Balls, Please

"Climbing the Comeback Mountain with the Tower of Tandil."

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Decision 2010: The People Have Mumbled

Posted by gauloises1 on May 7, 2010

Just under 24 hours. Exactly 1,000 votes counted. People I didn’t even know read this blog weighing in hilariously in the comments. Probable, I’m not going to lie, massive corruption. One candidate breaking through the fourth wall to campaign for himself. And at the end of all things, one man is left standing.

Well … sort of.

With 25.8% of the vote … David Ferrer!

And with 25.9% of the vote … Henri Kontinen!

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe what we have here is a hung blog.

So … what do we do? Declare a second, special run-off election? Disband the blog? Set fire to everything and run around in our knickers for a bit? I say no. As the unelected, autocratic head of state here, I’m going to broker a compromise that will hopefully be acceptable to everyone. Yes, I’m Gauloises1. And basically, I rule.

So I suggest the following. I love HenKon dearly, but is he really ready to carry the weight of New Balls, Please at this tender stage in his development? I say no. So I’m declaring David Ferrer the official New Balls, Please interim ultrafave until the return of Delpo. Tagline and all. But I will also commit to obsessive, downright nauseating coverage of HenKon, because frankly, he deserves it.

Does this seem like a good compromise?


27 Responses to “Decision 2010: The People Have Mumbled”

  1. Bismarck said

    *Set fire to everything and run around in our knickers for a bit?*


    *I say no*

    oh. okay.

    thank god NB is not a republic, but has a sovereign by divine right. a decision worthy of solomon, wisest gaul. 😉

  2. naughty T....urbane gentleman said

    Electoral Fraud.. We Wuz Robbed!!!
    you are the Mugabe of the bloggosphere.
    I am going to curl up sadly in a corner… you’ll all be sorry when Henkon wins everything and strangles Ferrus kitten

  3. whitelinefervor said

    Wait – if the people vote “no” then what does THAT mean?! Do we get to set fire to everything and run around in our knickers THEN?! 😛

    Really, though, I’m quite fine with this compromise.

    p.s. when do the polls close on this one?

  4. whitelinefervor said

    *rethinks pussyish reply now that he’s read naughty’s red-hot vitriol*

  5. Saoirse said


    Oh Gaul, for once in my life please please please let me get what I want, let’s keep Daveed as substitute mascot!!! You rule this kingdom and you know you want Daveed. You can’t possibly have a Evgeni Plushenko look-alike to replace Elf. We need some latin blood. Plus, the kid kinda cheated, didn’t he?? He should be disqualified, right!?! Help me out here fellow Ferru lovers!!

    Totally cool that Henri sent his troops to ‘technically’ clinch the victory from Daveed, though. Nice try. You’re totally cute. Now have this lollipop and come back when you have some facial hair. I’ll teach you stuff you’ve only dreamed about.

  6. meretricula said

    yay! David is my favoritest after Rafa, and he deserves more love than he gets. plus I suspect my third favoritest, aka Boss, will find a way to sneak in on his BFF’s coat-tails. (said it before but I’m saying it again: best tagline ever.)

    • naughty T....urbane gentleman said

      see it is just gonna be an excuse for Noodle fans…oh look here is a picture of Ferru.. behind Noodle..
      Oh look at Ferru winning.. oh no sorry he has to play Noodle in the final. MEH

      • Bismarck said

        and what exactly is henkon winning? if we´re not counting the kindergarten circuit for a moment.

      • meretricula said

        OH! I thought Noodle was Nando… like noodles for brains or something. okay, your comments make slightly more sense now.

        THAT SAID. come on, like anyone else on the list is going to be beating Rafa on clay. (except for possibly ~The Solicitor~.) and if Ferru manages to keep it together for the rest of the clay season he just might have enough momentum for another 2007-esque run on hardcourt. where he beat Rafa twice. so there. =P

  7. sophienz said

    The tagline has been changed! I feel a little weepy. Still, I like the new one almost as much. Looking forward to some sexy tummy picspam 🙂

    • Saoirse said

      It does pack quite a punch, doesn’t it? That tagline has more win than Noodle on clay!!!! Flove it!!

  8. linz said


    It’s a whole new world for me here. I mean, it’s not that I don’t like DelPo (except when he’s killing Roddick repeatedly, etc.) but to be an actual FAN of the player this blog will be devoted to will be a new position.

    I might start commenting and stuff.

    Oh wait…

    Gosh, it’s like there’s no way at all to get rid of me!

    I don’t know what this comment is saying. It’s been a long day. I mean for it to say that I LOVE YOU ALL. And I LOVE FERRU. and I’m a mess.

    And I look forward to finding out more about this HenKon person that everyone (esp. Naughty and Wilfy <3) have been blabbing about forever.

  9. irefusetotellyou said

    Sorry, HenKon, you’re not our Finnish Jesus after all.

    We’re gonna have to put our pickled herring back into storage, everyone.

  10. Hart said

    Yay Ferru wins!

    But, boo, I was sorta hoping Ernests would win so my tagline would be on your site for the next few months. It might have been my best accomplishment. Ever.

  11. Cubbie said

    Woo hoo Ferru! Look forward to pictures of towel biting and videos with his cracky whiskey voice (a.k.a. audio sex).

    Sorry for fans of other players including fans of the Finn- but hey the compromise sounds nice. And hey- maybe in two years this year will be full of Henri and Tiago Fernandes posts. 🙂

  12. Northcay said

    I’m surprised. I thought Ern would win. Well, the right to suffrage is always reserved. So, you’ll never know.

  13. lauren said

    Oh my god, G, can’t you make it so that the entire country gets a second ballot paper with a “What?” selection? At least here in the sane environs of New Balls there is no talk of the Queen coming in to sort things out. Is there?

    Thank god for Ferru, red wine and the first ever Green MP.

  14. Atiras said

    FERRU FTW! I believe that NBP just became my new favorite blog. Until the (hopefully speedy) return of Delpo, David will be an excellent distraction.

  15. jb (what is happening?) said

    ah well, at first i was disappointed that boss didn’t get the interim win, but ferru is fine sub-in for elfie. specially since Boss is out of Madrid…. 😦

    henkon – while adorable, just aint ready to carry the entire weight of the NB internetedness. imo. which noone asked for really, but I DON’T CARE, i’m weighing in anywho! 😆

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